Slight digression, in honor of Oxford and her Hallowed Examination Protocol

I just received this in my mailbox. The content is so priceless it needs little elucidation. I do want to point out, though, that only in Oxford would an injunction against partying appeal to the recipient's sense of legacy.

Dear Student,

In our “normal” lives, the Proctors are Tutors. In this capacity we should like to wish those of you who are taking exams this summer very good luck.

However, we’re emailing about celebrations after the end of exams. Safety and public order are our core concerns. Of course we want you to enjoy coming out of your last exam.  But we urge you to celebrate responsibly and to show consideration for other students still completing exam papers. Please also consider local residents, including passing cars and the risk to cyclists and pedestrians.  So having worked hard, enjoy finishing your last exam and meeting others from theirs. Closed champagne bottles, flowers and balloons and biodegradable confetti are all fine!

But please – NO FOOD ITEMS or GLITTER or SILLY STRING. In particular, there is no tradition of the abuse of food in “trashing”.  The very idea is a recent invention and one which is particularly offensive in a city where there are many homeless and hungry people.  In previous years some members of the public have been injured by slipping on flour wet from champagne and eggs.  Complaints have been made by shop-keepers whose businesses were affected by mess left on their windows and doorways.  You should also be aware that there have been cases in which potential employers have noted evidence of “trashing” displayed on websites.

We therefore need your help in keeping people safe, and stamping out the abuse of all foodstuffs. No flour, no eggs, no beans, ketchup, let alone rotting food or worse. In addition, pubs may not admit students covered in foodstuffs. Please remember that every pound the University has to spend on the cost of cleaning up means that there is one pound less for bursaries, scholarships, and hardship funds.

Rotting food, vomit, broken glass and other items causing litter are simply not what any of us wants to see. They are a disgrace and potentially dangerous. Please note that the University’s rules are given at http://www.admin.ox.ac.uk/proctors/oxonly/conduct/. The Proctors will not hesitate to take disciplinary action against those who break them.

We hope very much that you will lend us your full co-operation and that you will have a very successful time over the next few weeks.

Good luck with your exams and enjoy finishing and celebrating in College.